Amy Pollard has been running forth back to school many times because of his “trauma-ravaged” son. For two years, her middle son was giving her a run for her money at school. She had to spend many days at school with him, write-ups galore and received many calls from school to pick him up, because the school could not handle him.
Amy Pollard said, “I’m no trauma expert. In fact, I’m not even close to scratching the surface of all there is to know. But I do know it’s messy, it’s hard, and it’s very unpredictable.” There are no set guidelines, about how to love a child ravaged with trauma, that misuse and neglect have left behind. How to be ready or prepared for it as a parent.
She only knows that we need to bring truckloads of grace and when your truck is empty, fill it back up. Before adoption, Amy Pollard got another call from school saying, “Ms. Pollard, we’re having another bad day. Can you come?” Any said, “Sure. I’ll be right there.” Reaching there she found her son is silent. Something seems different. She pulled him in close and asked what’s going on. The school said, “It’s mid-September and he’s asking if he can have a race car for Christmas. Followed by a game for his birthday in March.” Her son was acting food and was asking for gifts. It was trauma, it’s not about the gift, it’s about his heart’s need to feel safe.
She said, “If I can reassure him that he’ll get that race car for Christmas, he knows he’s safe until then.
No one will come pick him up. He’s safe here. At least for three more months.” Amy Pollard and her family had to leave her old place and move on to a new place, to pursue opportunities that might be a better fit for the future of the boys. Three weeks ago, they started new schools. The new school’s principal called her to come into his office. Amy thought, “‘Jesus! Here we go again!’ He had been written up. But to her surprise, he got written up for being ready to learn, working hard, positive, being intentionally kind to others, being courageous, prepared, polite and being considerate. She said, “This may seem small, but it is by far one of the most significant moments I’ve had on this journey. I cried. And I cried. And I cried some more. Then we celebrated.
I know for certain the principal thinks I’m a lunatic. I immediately started the ugly cry and told him, ‘You just don’t understand! You just don’t know what we’ve been through to get to this place!’” He thanked Amy for being a wonderful parent. She said, “But ya know… nothing in me feels like a wonderful parent. Don’t we all feel like we’re failing our kids? Don’t we all doubt every single decision we make regarding their lives? Don’t we all just hold onto to any bit of hope that somehow beauty will rise from the messes we make?” Sometimes we can’t understand God’s reasoning, either way, God knows far better than we do. Something you can’t possibly see how beauty will rise from all of the ashes that lay on the floor from what was. If you trust Him, one day, you will wake up and if you look back through your pages and you will see the beautiful leading of God rescuing you from yourself and from what you thought you wanted and needed.