What Keeps Men And Women From Waiting?


Men aren’t a group of people associated with an eagerness to go without s-x. But make no mistake, men suffer just as much as women do from the expectations and delusions surrounding s-xuality and romance. In fact, men’s common inability to wait betrays a deep insecurity next to which women’s fears pale in comparison.

God gave men their s-x drive, but He also gifted them with restraint, passion, wisdom, a restless and bold creativity, and the ability to lead and inspire. If you’re a man, all those qualities are in you.

But some men are not aware of this and as a result, aren’t waiting. Here are some of the reasons why so many men are fearful of waiting:

1. Self-Esteem

In her book The Eclipse: A Memoir of Su-icide, Antonella Gambotto-Burke writes: The self-esteem of western women is founded on physical being (body mass index, youth, beauty). This creates a tricky emphasis on image, but the internalized locus of self-worth saves lives. Western men are very different. In externalizing the source of their self-esteem, they surrender all emotional independence. (Conquest requires two parties, after all.) A man cannot feel like a man without a partner, corporation, team. Manhood is a game played on the terrain of opposites. It thus follows that male sense of self-disintegrates when the Other is absent.

Habitual players who drive flashy cars and keep a database of women on call do so to curry favor with their boys. Being known as a “pimp” and dating multiple ladies while keeping it cool and dodging drama is the ultimate demonstration of having game. Approval, validation, and self-worth are all based on what other guys think. “The List” is that unspoken inventory of must-haves that plays on a 24-7 loop in the minds of many men. The List includes: Wealth, power, position, great clothes, a huge crib, big toys, and a beautiful, s-xy woman on your arm.

The List, however, is a lie. There is no List, no catalog of external achievements, that will make a man more of a man. The problem with the male obsession with the List is that the rewards are transactional—that is, to get something, you have to give up something that you won’t get back.

For a lot of men, that something is time with their families, their peace of mind, or their very character. For others, it’s their physical or mental health. Becoming a man—and a husband worthy of the wife God intends for you—requires a deeper understanding.

2. An Obsession with S-x

Many men are addicted to s-x and women in the same way that an addicted to liquor. If they don’t have a woman around, they can’t cope. The man who recklessly gives himself over to his drive denies and distances himself from his divine nature. He courts chaos, drama, legal troubles, illegitimate children—everything this side of the plagues that Moses warned Pharaoh about in Exodus. Worst of all, he becomes manipulative and callous, willing to do or say anything to get a woman into bed.

He becomes addicted not just to the physical feeling but also to the psychology of how s-x makes him feel—and the game he must play to produce this feeling.

Men’s lack of s-xual discipline is responsible for a fair amount we see in society. Yet our culture still consents to men living with little to no accountability in this area. God created man in His own image, gifted with a divine spirit and a mind capable of flights of extraordinary vision and creativity, but an addiction to s-x turns men into something far less than the image of God. Men should try: blocking the numbers of any women they’ve been seeing that they aren’t serious about, having accountability buddies, getting involved in something that challenges and improves them, and building a stronger prayer life.

3. A Fear of Commitment

Somewhere between the exhausting frustration of a life spent chasing everything in a skirt and the fulfillment of settling down with one good woman is fear. For many men, obsessing over s-x and reducing women to objects is a defense against getting pulled into a real relationship and the accompanying terror of losing their freedom.

Once a man gets tangled up with one woman (says the stereotype), he’s doomed to a boring, soulless life with kids, a mortgage, and s-x with the same woman for the rest of his life. For a man raised on the idea of conquest and competition, who’s been living the life of a player, the loss of freedom might look like living de-ath. But honestly, how much freedom do these men really have? If you’re a man who’s not doing anything with his alle-ged freedom but chasing one empty liaison after another, are you really free? Or are you enslaved to this type of behavior that controls your every move? God created woman to be part of man, to evoke the best in man, to help you become the best man you can be. Having the right woman in your life will make you a better man. Also, the right woman will bring you closer to your goals, not push you away from them

4. An Obsession with Instant Gratification

Faith can pose a problem even for men who are tired of dating multiple women. Many men lack patience. Many don’t like to wait for things to come to them. They don’t wait, period. But that’s a trap. Distractions may reduce the temptation to have relation, but if your focus is not on the patience required to grow your faith, you’re not going to do the deep personal work you need to be ready for the woman you’re meant to be with.

Money, s-x, possessions, position, and title distract us from spiritual development. Eventually, you need to stop and go toe to toe with the hard questions:

  • What do I want?
  • Why am I not happy?
  • What is my purpose?

Men crave motion; waiting requires being still and listening. If men can find a way to quell that restlessness and weakness of faith long enough to stop and pay attention, they’ll see God work wonders in their lives. Now that you know why men are afraid to wait, it’s time to take action! In the comments below, let me know which applies to you most and how you are going to change that TODAY!


Many single women are expressing anxiety to their girlfriends about their biological clocks, worrying about becoming older and lonely, and starting to wonder what’s wrong with them if nobody has popped the question. These women seem to be obsessed with somebody—anybody—telling them that they are loved and cared for, even if that turns out to be a lie.

And as a result, they are not waiting.

Besides the power of hormones, the force that typically drives women into the arms of guy after guy is fear. Scratch the surface of a lot of unmarried young women and you’ll find a layer of fear just below the surface. Here are some of the reasons why so many women are fearful of waiting:

1. “If I Don’t Sleep With Him, I’ll Lose Him”

Some women who would love to be celibate just can’t do it because they’re afraid they’ll lose their man if they don’t sleep with him. Let’s be honest: there are some men who won’t go along with a woman’s vow to abstain until marriage.

They simply won’t consider it. However, this isn’t something you should fear. While choosing celibacy isn’t easy for either a man or a woman, the right man will be open to waiting for the woman he loves and knows he is destined to be with.

Here’s a secret about men, ladies: A man who says no to celibacy isn’t making a statement about you. It’s about him. No woman should fear finding out that the guy she’s seeing won’t consider celibacy. A man leaving over s-x is a blessing because it tells you that he wasn’t your husband. On the other hand, if you ditch celibacy out of desperation to keep him, you could end up wasting years with the wrong person. Worse yet, you might marry a man whose lack of s-xual discipline lays the foundation for infidelity down the line.

2. “There Are Only A Few Good Men Out There”

Another obstacle that makes it hard for women to wait is the idea that they’re all in competition with one another for a limited supply of decent men. That’s to self-esteem and spiritual growth. We serve a God who has an infinite number of ways to bless a woman with the right person. If we believe there are only “a few,” that’s when the trouble starts. This notion of scarcity prompts women to brawl it out for what they see as a dwindling supply of good, quality guys who are willing to commit to marriage. It propagates a host of stereotypes:

  • Most of the men out there are worthless players who want nothing to do with marriage or commitment.
  • The few good men who do want to get married know they have their pick of the pool, so women have to do anything and everything to catch one before he gets away.
  • In fact, none of this is true. Research shows that men aren’t quite as hopeless about commitment and relationships as we’ve been led to believe. In other words, there’s hope.

3. “I Won’t Have a Happily Ever After”

Movies and television are steeped in the mythology that a woman is only as good as the man she captures, and what captures that man is s-x. Messed up as that is, it’s become a cultural touchstone that’s shaped everything about what young women believe they’re supposed to have and supposed to want. When God created you, He made you a whole woman. He did the same for every woman. Each woman is complete unto herself, a child of the Lord with everything she needs to grow into a source of love, light, and power in this world. If that’s true, then why do most women believe the truest form of happiness can only be achieved once they find Mr. Right?

As a woman, it’s your responsibility to work on developing the fullness of who God created you to be before you give yourself to your husband. Until you do that, you won’t be ready to find and keep that perfect partner. God, not man, completes you.

4. “I Don’t Want to be Controlled”

Despite all the incredible gains that women have made in our society, we still live in an era that defines women largely according to their s-xuality and appearance. One way this stereotype plays out is in the idea that a woman can’t be the pursuer in a relationship. The man is supposed to initiate the action, make the first move, offer to pay for dinner, and so on. Hunter and prey, right? Is this how it’s supposed to be?

There are as many different women’s natures as there are women. There are plenty of women who take the initiative. They extend the first invitation or they don’t call a guy until they’re good and ready. The cliché of the desperate woman waiting by the phone for last night’s date to call is so 1990, and not just because nobody has a landline anymore. Smart women know that s-x is power, and waiting is the ultimate act of claiming that power. Celibacy is control. Since most men date in the hopes of having s-x at the end of the date, you’re the one calling the sh-ots. Of course, there’s a fine line. It’s possible to use s-x as a weapon or a tool—something that should be avoided.

Now that you know why women are afraid to wait, it’s time to take action! In the comments below, let me know which applies to you most and how you are going to change that TODAY!

This is how people reacted to this post:

Aleesa LingI am confidently saying having those 4 aspects, but my crush is an introvert alien who doesnt know how rare and such a treasure I am. So yea, here i am chewing my popcorn, alone.

Wan XinruOne time i had a date with a guy and we had eye contacts throughout the conversation, i looked at him in his eyes and tried to be seductive with my eyes without touching him. I guess he really thought id go home with him then when we called it a night i called uber and he insisted me to go somewhere with me for drinks but i refused politely and said i need to go back early i have work tomorrow. He messaged me non stop asked for another dates. And the second date happened without me going back to his apartment. Now i think its easy to get a guy if you know the rule; be confident, have self love, dont play with your phone when you are on date, show that you are a happy person and call it a night when you really need to go back home.

Dont be afraid to say NO. Many women go home and have with men eventho they are not interested for having s-x in first date because they are scared to reject men. Ladies, if you want something say yes but if you dont it is okay to say no.

Alex GentryI am proud to say that I am not and will never be intimidated by an independent women. I was raised by an independent woman, many of my close friends are independent women, and I want to date an independent woman. So I’ve never seen independent women as a threat. Thank you so much Matthew for sharing your thoughts on this matter! I really appreciate your empathy and willingness to be real.

Lilly JonesI’ve been out of the dating scene for a while and I’m trying to figure out how to work my way back in I have done a bunch of self work and you perfectly described me thank you

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